What does it really take to be a peacemaker? Just wondering. Is anyone really good at being a peacemaker?
It says in the Guide to the Scriptures that a peacemaker is “A person who brings about or promotes peace (Matt. 5:9; 3 Ne. 12:9).” I get the part about promoting peace, but to actually bring it about is a little harder.
To understand more what it means to be a peacemaker, I refer to President Thomas S. Monson’s talk from the Priesthood session of General Conference in October of 2009 entitled, “School Thy Feelings, O My Brother.”
In President Monson’s talk, I learned that “Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything” (Lawrence Douglas Wilder, quoted in “Early Hardships Shaped Candidates,” Deseret News, Dec. 7, 1991, A2.)
We’ve all felt anger. It can come when things don’t turn out the way we want. It might be a reaction to something which is said of us or to us. We may experience it when people don’t behave the way we want them to behave. Perhaps it comes when we have to wait for something longer than we expected. We might feel angry when others can’t see things from our perspective. There seem to be countless possible reasons for anger.
To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry.
…we are all susceptible to those feelings which, if left unchecked, can lead to anger. We experience displeasure or irritation or antagonism, and if we so choose, we lose our temper and become angry with others. Ironically, those others are often members of our own families—the people we really love the most.School thy feelings, O my brother;Train thy warm, impulsive soul.Do not its emotions smother,But let wisdom’s voice control.School thy feelings; there is powerIn the cool, collected mind.Passion shatters reason’s tower,Makes the clearest vision blind. 8
“Emotional intelligence can be defined as the degree to which we can skillfully and adaptively deal with our emotions and those of others.
“More specifically, this involves the following:
1. Recognizing feelings as they occur
2. Responding to feelings with neither impulsive, aggressive reactivity, nor suppression, denial, distraction, or avoidance
3. Being able to tolerate and contain strong emotions and soothe yourself in the presence of powerful feelings
4. Being able to use the energy of strong emotions to motivate yourself and respond skillfully to the situation at hand
5. Being able to perceive the content of feelings in order to connect the emotion to its source and understand why you are feeling a particular emotion
6. Being able to recognize and bear the feelings of others without needing to distance yourself or dissuade the other person from having their feelings
7. Being able to persist in the face of fear or frustration and cultivate resilience
8. Being able to delay gratification
9. Being able to be curious and stay open to feelings rather than close down, tighten up, or turn away from emotions
10. Being able to express a wide range of emotions in a way that is natural and to a degree that is appropriate to the particular situation
“How do you cultivate emotional intelligence? The key lies in the ability to develop the overarching skill of mindfulness – the ability to dispassionately observe thoughts and feelings as they occur and while they’re occurring. This skill is aided by culivating a “witness” or a “watcher” in your mind and noting the arising of strong reactions with a certain detachment. By holding our reactions in a larger mental space we can make more measured, wise, and skillful responses to the situation at hand.
“Mindfulness can be cultivated by simply paying more attention to the operation of our minds, slowing down our lives enough to make more detailed observations, and staying in the moment so as to maximize awareness of our selves and others. Although we often have a limited ability to control external events, it turns out that we have a great deal of ability to discipline, focus, and train our minds. With practice, we not only can become more emotionally intelligent but also may be able to cultivate an ongoing peace of mind that many people find so elusive” (Core Concepts of Health, Insel, pg 101).
No one is perfect, except for Christ. Only through Him can we truly possess the pure love of Christ: charity, and become peacemakers. I believe relationships can heal. It requires faith, and the willingness to bear the yoke of grace together with the Savior, and become like a child.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:29-30)